"Mommy! We're BEING ROBBED!!"

It was a perfect day! I went to the gym this morning, came home and had my friend, Julie, over for lunch; put the kids down for naps, and after Julie left I decided to jump in the shower. I was in the middle of shaving my legs when I heard Evan start screaming and crying!
He ran into the bathroom where I was, and in hysterics said, "Mommy, someone is at the back door playing with the handle and making it crack!!!"
I threw on a towel, grabbed my taser, and set off to fight this dangerous house robber person -- in a towel...
I entered our living room and didn't hear anything; I opened the window blinds, and didn't see anything there either. I wondered if Emily was outside and I didn't know it, but just as I was about to go and see if she was still sleeping, she walked in the room. I looked for the dog, to see if maybe it was the dog scratching, but NO! Dollie was in her bed.
I went back and got dressed, and then went outside to see if our huge gate was compromised, but the gate was secure. With trusty "Ole Tessie the Taser" in my hands, I then went through the house to the front yard to see if anyone was around, and yet again, NO ONE! (Like they would have really lingered anyway...)
So, I went back into the house and told Evan not to worry, and everything is fine. After a few minutes, I hear Evan knocking aggressively on the back door. I went in and asked him what he was doing, and he said, "I wanted to know if the bad guys were still out there because if they are, then they will knock back, and then you can fight them..."
Just call me "Janet Bourne" because apparently, I am an amazing fighter that can withstand obnoxious house-robber-people...

I still don't know what he heard, but all is well at the Couch house!

Z - is for ZORRO!

Evan is going through a Zorro phase, and so we needed to go to Lowe's and get a few supplies in order to complete the Zorro costume. He had a cape, and a bandana with eyes cut into it, but we still needed the "whap" as he called it.
I had NO IDEA what a "whap" was at first. A nap? A flap?
FINALLY the old girl got it! A WHIP!

We drove to Lowe's and he was studded out in his bandana, cape, and straw hat (that we were also buying black spray paint for...) As we approached the entrance into Lowe's, he noticeed all the cute grins he was getting from everyone around. So, he stopped at the foot of the automatic door and said, "I need to take all this off... I'm too cute!" (I love his humility...)
"Okay." I said. "But, why don't you want to wear it?"
"Zorro can't save people and swing in the room without his whip, mom."

We went in and asked for help in finding the perfect "whap" and before we knew it, Evan had his whip! The guy that helped us burned the ends so that it wouldn't fray. NOW he was now ready to be cute! He put his entire wardrobe on, and it was Zorro IN THE FLESH at Lowe's Home Impovement Warehouse! WOW! While we were in the check out line, Zorro kept fighting off the bad people... he was whipping everything that made noise -- mainly Emily...

I am now needing to RE-THINK the whole whip idea...

Emilyisms... (Part 1-ish)

Emily was in her bedroom telling her stuffed animals about God, and I overheard her say, "God is OLD. He's 71. But he loves you very much!"


I just learned from Emily (3 years old) that hick-ups come when your bottom is dirty. AND, if your bottom is dirty and you still don't clean it, then the hick-ups turn into coughs, and if you STILL don't clean your bottom, then you throw up.

It's amazing what you can learn from your children!

We're Being INVADED!!!!

Okay, I know that I am noted for my disgusting stories, so I don't want to disappoint...
The other night I was sooo tired, but I couldn't fall asleep. I was so mad!! AND, to add to the frustration, I kept hearing scratching followed be loud THUDS in the attic directly over our bed. I started grunting and rolling over every few minutes, and finally Eric just said, "Will you BE QUIET!?!?! You woke me up!" I pointed out to him that there was a rodent making a nest directly over our bed in the attic and it was being VERY LOUD, and I couldn't SLEEP! I wanted him to jump out of bed and take care of the whole rodent thing -- even though it was 3AM!! Well, obviously no one in their right mind would go rodent hunting in the attic at 3 am...
So, the next morning while getting dressed, I heard the scratching and thumping once again... I suddenly remembered that taser Eric gave me for Christmas, and wondered what would happen... I got it out, aimed it directly at the spot where the thuds were coming from, and BANG!!! (Did you know that tasers "BANG?!?!" -- I thought that they just shot electricity across the room -- kind of like that guy in "Star Wars" when he can shoot electricity out of his fingers...????) It looked like I had pulled the cork off of one of those New Year's confetti shooters... My head was pounding, heart was throbbing, and I couldn't really speak for about a minute. I scared myself to DEATH!!! That was NOT what I was expecting! I wanted to be like the "Star Wars" guy! I didn't want a New Year's explosion!!
Finally I found my voice, and the lump went down a little, and I called Eric, and asked him to come into the bedroom really FAST! (I couldn't believe he didn't hear the shrilling bang that nearly made me pass out!) He walked in and saw the "confetti hanging from the ceiling looked at me, and it took everything in him to NOT laugh hysterically at me! He KNEW my entire thought process, and then explained to me that I am NOT to shoot things before reading the instructions or watching a video, or letting HIM give me lessons, AND that tasers don't shoot through the ceiling...
I OBVIOUSLY figured all of that out, BUT just as he was explaining all of that, the scratching and thuds returned... UUUUGGGG!
I thought that was enough rodent mess, but NOOOOO!
My friend, Heather, was staying with us for the weekend, and she likes to sleep with lots fans, so I went out to the garage to get our other fan. I brought it into Emily's room where Heather was sleeping, and I plugged in the fan, turned it on, and then it made a really loud sound, like when you put cards in your bike wheels... Well, I shook the fan and a little dirt came out, and I saw some toys in there. So, I was just a little annoyed that the kids had put toys in the fan, but thought I could just shake them out of the way. So I gave the fan one more BIG shake, and when I did THERE WAS A MOUSE!!!! It was dead and crunchy!!!!! I jerked the fan OUT OF THE WALL, ran down the hall as fast as I could! I tripped over my own feet and crashed into the wall, slipped across the kitchen floor, and finally THREW THE FAN OUTSIDE!!!!
Now, those of you who know me well, know that I am a germ freak... I couldn't help but think of all the crunchy mouse parts that I had fanned across Emily's room, and shaken all over ME! I started a very thorough cleaning and disinfecting process on the carpets and floors and then myself!!!
I am contemplating STARVING the cat, so that he will do his JOB...